I’ve been revising the chapter in my book, where Emily, my protagonist, experiences the darkest moment of her journey. She has exhausted her resources. Overtaken by despair, Emily wonders if she deserves to get out of the prison where Dr. Henbane, the antagonist of my story, has locked her away. Henbane has convinced Emily the people she loves will be better off if she were dead. Will Emily say YES to the Truth and surrender her future to God, or will she believe Henbane’s lies and give up?

As I took the time to zero in on what decision Emily will make, I decided to ask myself the hard question Emily had to answer for herself. I felt my writing would be more authentic if I took the time to be real with my own heart before answering the question for Emily.

Can I trust God with my future, even if the outcome isn’t what I want?

For years my answer lingered in my mind like a revolving door, swirling between taking charge of my life or surrendering it to God, until one day, the Lord showed me how to stop going in circles.

As I was praying one morning, I looked out over the lake behind my house. It dawned on me that I saw the Lord on an island in the middle of the lake, not sitting with me as I read his word. I believed he was listening to me but from a distance. That’s when I realized I didn’t believe him. His word said he was always near, but I felt he wasn’t. Tears rolled down my cheeks as this reality seeped into my consciousness. I wanted to believe him, but I was afraid. I was honest with God and told him I was scared but that I didn’t want to be. That’s when I started to see that I believed facts about God in my head, not my heart. I wanted that to change, but I didn’t know how to improve.

So, I asked God to teach me about himself as a real person and to show me how to trust him from my heart. 

Can I trust God with my future, even if the outcome isn’t what I want?

My courage to surrender my future to him one day, one moment at a time, is growing as I learn about how intimate and good he really is. I’m still exploring the Truth about His presence and learning how to surrender my future to him. Now, I can say with confidence, God is trustworthy.

My reflections about how God is teaching me to surrender my future to him helped me write Emily’s decision with more authenticity. I look forward to sharing her answer with you in PREMONITION.

Do you sometimes feel afraid of the unknown? How do you wrestle your fears down and choose God?

Here’s a song for us to share as we remember where to go when we feel afraid or doubt God’s goodness.

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip—he who watches over you will not slumber. Indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you— the Lord is your shade at your right hand. The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm—he will watch over your life. The Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore. —Psalm 121

Stay tuned for more writing updates and other explorations of Truth through Story.

Love, Ali

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